I just watched a most disturbing film - "Human Trafficking."  For those of you who took the feminist perspective to social work practice with me last summer may recall our presentation in which we highlighted the multi-billion dollar global industry of sex trafficking.  I wish I had seen this film beforehand.  My heart was in my throat the entire afternoon.  I encourage you all to take time to view this film - it may just take you outside your comfort zone and prompt you to see the world through the eyes of the innocent and most vulnerable.  This type of injustice is the reason why I slug it out daily in the trenches of child protection.  All children deserve to be safe.  All children have a right to be loved.  Ignorance, apathy, the refusal to witness something "uncomfortable," - all of this contributes to the pain suffered worldwide.  We are all responsible to one another.  Lets try and be better.  So much has already been lost . . . .

Well the story is out!  Gentleman who shall remain unnamed from previous post was discovered to be a cheater by his current girlfriend.  Current girlfriend is roommate of my coworker.  Coworker and I were carrying on in innocent conversation when gentleman's indiscretions were revealed.  This prompted my parting with gentleman two weekends ago.  Coworker suddenly felt it her duty as friend and roommate of current girlfriend to inform her of our conversation.  Coworker tells me this on my office voicemail as she is conveniently now on vacation in PEI.  Coworker also advises that both gentleman and current girlfriend wish to speak with me.  She assures me that current girlfriend is not at all upset with me as she has suspected gentleman all along of infidelity.  She confronted gentleman who denied his connection with me.  Oh it is the stuff of teen movies and I for one want no part of it.  And so I am officially screening my calls to avoid further drama.  Thank God for Judy, secretary extraordinaire, and Isabelle, fellow social worker who say all the proper things ie "He's the asshole . . . you deserve better . . . you are not at fault for his mistakes . . . et cetera et cetera.

Was on coverage today.  In other words, I got absolutely nothing done regarding my own cases.  And I'm on coverage again tomorrow and have to take another social worker's kid to court because she forgot to make alternate arrangments before going on vacation.  I am not at all impressed as I am behind on my contracts and casenotes and I'm trying to prepare for an important case conference next week.  The last thing I want to do is drag some apathetic teenage girl to criminal court only to have her turn around and get arrested the following night.  Methinks cynicism is starting to set in . . . .

On a much cheerier note, I have made a grown-up purchase of one sofa and matching loveseat.  All set for the new apartment that I will be taking possession of at the end of the month.  I am so excited for the move - after three months in this overpriced hole I'm ready for something with bigger rooms, newer appliances, and more important, better landlords. 

I am feeling restless tonight.  I've watched a couple of movies to try and get myself ready for bed, but I think I'm in for another night of tossing and turning.

I have finally bade an official farewell to a friend of 8 years who has proven himself to be a most cruel deceiver.  It was without a doubt the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.  But strangely I feel lighter.  Oh it will take time to recover, but I have my work to bury myself in which serves as a daily reminder of what is important in life.  A big thank you to Anna, Kate and Lita who provided such comfort when it was most needed.  Kate who peeled off my hoody as I sobbed on her couch, Lita who initiated a trip to the coast to lose ourselves in the ocean's calming caresses, and Anna who whisked me away from the Lower Deck most earnestly when said gentleman (and I do use that label facetiously) appeared out of nowhere, headed in our direction.  And of course, I must mention my mom and dad who allowed me a quick visit home on Sunday night to collect myself and return to Halifax the next evening better prepared to face the fallout. 

My caseload continues to be overwhelming and yet I still find myself enjoying the work.  Sometimes I find myself staring at the piling paperwork in awe at how far I have come since my English graduate days.  Such a different world, so far removed from academia.  When I think of myself teaching university English I almost want to laugh.  Oh I still love the written word as the books resting on my nightstand can attest to, but to be out in the community working with families, tackling the system . . . well there is nothing quite like it!  I had a phonecall from my 15 year old runner the other day, asking if I would come and pick her up from the group home.  Of course I responded.  She trusts me.  Small rewards that make all of our efforts seem worthwhile . . . .

Domestic violence . . . it's the same story over and over again at CAS.  Neighbours report violence, CAS responds, victim of abuse seems to be on board with the safety plan, and then . . . victim backpedals.  CAS is the acronym for Children's Aid Society ie we respond to the needs of children first and foremost.  Yesterday I had to sit down with a woman and explain to her that if it came down to apprehending her children in order to keep them safe from her violent partner, I would do so.  The whole time this woman is looking nervously at the front door as if expecting him home at any minute.  A man that should never have been allowed in in the first place.  There have been undertakings, she has been to shelters, recieved counselling, relocated . . . and yet each time she finds her way back to this gentleman.  And I get that she is frightened but she needs to step up and provide a safe environment for her children.  And if she can't do it, we will.  I was so close yesterday to apprehending those children especially after a delightful phonecall from the gentleman in question.  Nothing like being called a "worthless piece of shit," and a "man-hating whore" to finish the day off right.  And wouldn't you know she was on the phone the entire time, listening, and I had to be so careful not to put her at further risk by telling him what she obviously had left out of their conversation prior to him phoning me, and that was that we became involved and had threatened to apprehend if he did not vacate the premises due to information that she had voluntarily provided our agency with.  I admit I was a bit shaken when the phonecall was terminated and a few tears escaped.  Judy the secretary came to my rescue and soon I was in a room with another social worker Cyndi and a supervisor Gail and we did an emergency risk assessment, the result of which involved phoning the police and having them drop by the residence to make sure this woman had at least followed through on part of the plan and had her mother pick up the children and take them to her place for the night.  I was so sick to my stomach.  I woke up in the wee hours of the morning and thought that I was going to vomit because I was so worried about this woman and her two little ones. 

I arrived this morning afraid of what I might find on my desk and in my voice mailbox.  And much to my great relief, the abuser had left the home after he saw the police car coming.  But I am worried because this woman had her mother bring her children back that same night after he had gone.  She promises that she is moving.  Indeed there were boxes strewn about the apartment.  But she has left before and we are beginning to see a pattern developing.  I will be popping in tomorrow to make sure everything is in order.  A little surprise visit.  And heaven help us if he is there . . . .