Events over the past couple of months have compelled me to meditate on life and relationships.  A couple of weekends ago, my dear friend John was killed in a car crash.  His partner Bonnie and their son Spencer are both here in Halifax at the IWK.  Spencer is paralyzed from the waist down.  How to process this loss?  So soon after dear Valerie's sudden passing.  I have learned that I must appreciate the time I have with my family and friends, to absorb every moment with them as though it were the last, to ensure that those most dear know how loved they are.  Life cannot be taken for granted.  I have been deeply blessed, and so I must be thankful at every opportunity. 

Well it had to happen eventually.  Colleen has been struck by the love bug!  It all started last February when I agreed to help my friend Kelley and her husband Chris move into their first home.  No dressing up for this outing - just a pair of jeans, an old university sweat shirt, and my hair pulled back in a ponytail.  A man by the name of Ronnie Steele was also included in the ranks, and I admit, I found him attractive and extremely funny.  But I thought nothing of it because I wasn't exactly looking my finest after a long day of hauling furniture and boxes.  Fast forward a month, and Kelley invites me to Ronnie's surprise 30th birthday party.  I thought, hey why not, he's a nice guy, and it's something to do.  We give him a nice surprise, and I notice immediately that he's sticking rather close to me.  I mention this to my friend Kelley, and then mention that I think he's kinda cute.  All of a sudden, Sonya (who was also present at the move) pulls me and Kelley into a bedroom and tells me that Ronnie has been asking about me since the aforementioned day.  Armed with this new information, I start chatting it up with Ronnie even more, and then he summons the courage to ask me for my phone number.  And we've been going strong ever since.  Sigh.  I never knew it could be so easy.  To be with someone whose actions and words require no great analysis because what you see is what you get - a kind, plain speaking boy from Cape Breton, who can hold his own in a crowded room, drum up a few laughs, and respect silence when the moment calls for it.  Yes I'm quite smitten . . . ;)

Work has kept me busy these days.  I arrive each morning, stare at the paperwork, become overwhelmed, and then start wading my way through.  When the clock strikes  4:30 p.m. and it's time to go home, it feels as though I've accomplished nothing.  And the demands continue.  Last week, Justice S. tells me that the Agency needs to make more of an effort to track down a drug addict who left her baby in the hospital to undergo detox.  She skips town and I find myself on the road, travelling to Cape Breton to pay a surprise visit.  I will admit, it wasn't too difficult finding her.  After all, so many are quick to give up their kids, but not so quick to give up their money.  All it took was a single call to Income Assitance in her county and I had an address.  And sure enough, as soon as I grace her doorstep, she tells me that she wants nothing to do with the kid and says that she moved here to have a fresh start.  Fresh start?  The place reeks of pot (coke addicts use pot to kill the craving until they can go on another run), and she's not even looking me in the eye.  She knows she's fucked up.  Her toothless wonder of a boyfriend starts getting all confrontational with me, and so I don't waste too much time there, despite the three and a half hour drive there and back.  You have to shake your head.  So I go back to court tomorrow to tell the judge what we all knew to be true - she's made her choice and the choice is cocaine and anything else she can get her hands on.  And she'll have more baby addicts because she's young, and that's the pattern.  Cynical?  Sure, but it's also the reality.  If you've ever had the pleasure of watching a newborn go through withdrawal, I'm sure you too would grow a little jaded.  I have been so exhausted these days.  You close one file, and another lands on your desk.  The same ole thing, just different names. 

Thanks to the direction of my dearest Cousin, who assures me that I am more than a child welfare worker, I have joined the Girly Book Club.  The description of the group as outlined on the Canadian Book Clubs website reads:

 

"The bookclub in Halifax is just being called Girly book club and is specifically for women only who are interested in reading:

I'm so happy to have the weekend here at last.  This week felt incredibly long despite being only four days long. 

 

Everyone wants a piece of you in this job.  I had 27 messages waiting for me on Tuesday when I arrived at work.  And everybody is wondering where I am and why haven't I phoned.  I barely had a chance to sit at my desk this week.  I was out running the roads, catching up on long overdue home visits.  I wish my families could understand that I am trying my best, but there is only one of me, and a multitude of them! 

 

I was able to spend some time with Lita this week.  She had me and a group of ladies over to her place on Wednesday night for a potluck and a few drinks.  Quite an assorted crowd, and the only thing each of us had in common was the hostess herself.  Great fun!  And plenty of laughs as we all relaxed in one another's company.  Some of the women present: a film director, a radio personality and newspaper columnist, an English student, an N.G.O. worker (she was leaving for Bolivia the next day), and a G.A.P. retail clerk.  Imagine the dialogue!  And Lita was such an excellent hostess, and knew that we would all get along splendidly. 

 

Thursday night saw me and a few colleagues out for beer and wings at the Peel Pub and then aross the street at the Oasis for karioke.  Geoff, Karen and I sang Tom Cochrane's greatest (and only) hit, "Life is a Highway."  And the whole room was clapping and singing along.  And Estelle and Stacey created a dance floor by the stage.  It turned out to be a late evening, but I was still able to get up the next day and put in a full day's work, unlike everyone else who had the day off. 

 

My friend Kupa arrives in town briefly this week, and I am looking forward to seeing her.  It's been so long since our paths last crossed. 

 

I cannot believe that the fall is approaching so steadily!  The days are starting to feel shorter and there's a chill in the air after sunset.  I do enjoy the fall, and this year especially as I will be making my way to Winnipeg at the end of October.  Another vacation, and this time I won't be in the city to be pulled into work when things go sour on my caseload. 

Today is my flex day, and I am enjoying the freedom that comes with it.  I got up this morning and went for a run before cuddling up on my couch with a good book.  The sun is shining and I think I'll make my way shortly to the Public Gardens and stretch out on a bench.  Hopefully it won't be too busy that I can't find a quiet spot.

 

I cannot believe that the summer is nearly over!  An access worker phoned me up at the office the other day to discuss the fall access schedule and I laughed initially because I thought she was just being eager, but the joke is on me because school starts up in just a couple of weeks and I have a lot to do before then!

 

My niece turned 8 years old yesterday.  I can't believe how tall she is!  My sister threw her a party, and unfortunately I was not able to make it, but she knows how much I adore her. 

 

 

Well you'd think I had been gone a month the way my families have been carrying on since my return to the office after a far too brief vacation.  The first thing I learn is that one of my files that I was able to close earlier in the year is set to re-open and it's coming back my way because it is just shy of the six month mark.  Aarrgh!  Then I have this other mom who is convinced her children are being abused in their foster home (and believe me, they aren't), and has threatened to take her story to the CBC to expose me as the crap social worker that I am.  (Roll eyes.)  My wee little baby who I apprehended just a couple of weeks ago in the hospital is still there and the drug tests came back positive for cocaine and so she's on morphine to help with her withdrawal, and we're waiting on the HIV/AIDS tests to come back, so I'm on pins and needles!  I have a "father of the year" who came back to Halifax last week from British Columbia who insists that he be able to spend time with his daughter whenever he feels like it (despite her asking her therapist to ask me to tell her dad to stop making her feel so bad . . . which I most certainly did!).  And then there's my sweet little autistic boy who is showing early signs of schizophrenia and has written all over his wall that God is telling him to die and go to heaven.  Phew!  And that was only yesterday!  Today I don't think I stopped once to take in air!  I ate my lunch just now actually.  Very tasty.  Suffice it to say, I am exhausted!  Thank god the weekend is fast approaching.  Oh, and did I mention a brand new file landed on my desk this morning, before I headed off to Truro, then to the Department of Justice to sign an affidavit, and then to Spryfield to investigate allegations of physical abuse?  I need a vacation!  lol 

Lisa and Chris left today after a fabulous vacation spent together in Halifax.  Lawrencetown Beach, Peggy's Cove, The Lower Deck, The Dome, Point Pleasant Park, Bouctouche . . . we packed in a lot over the past 9 days.  I will post pictures soon!  Thanks for coming down Lisa and Chris - Becca and I miss you already! 

So my dear friend Christine is preparing for a surgery.  The uterus has to go, and because we are women of substance, we decided to send that organ off in fine style with a big ole party.  Donna was in charge of the fire, Michelle supplied the "uterus", and Lynn sent along juniper.  Throwing juniper on ashes is apparently a Buddhist tradition, and creates a clear pathway to heaven for the deceased.  So Christine chucked the uterus in the fire and each of us grabbed a handful of the juniper and danced around the flames.  Christine was given an "urn" in which to store the precious ashes.  The aroma created by the juniper was absolutely divine.

 

I was speaking to my friend Anna prior to the party, and she stated that Western "Christian" society, unlike other faiths, fails to acknowledge rites of passage in any significant way.  I agree.  After all, for a woman to lose such a piece of herself - it must be grieved.  And her life should be celebrated.  My friend Christine is a strong, intelligent, and sexy woman.  And now a piece of her has been released into the world. 

 

 

Okay so the Department of Community Services is demanding that all child protection workers complete comprehensive plans of care for all children on their caseload who are in care, be it voluntary or court ordered, temporary or permanent.  Needless to say it has our office fuming.  But hey we're doing it 'cause we're good government employees.  Okay so enough sarcasm.  I may have mentioned a kid on my caseload who has autism.  Well we get this kid to write out his goals so we can incorporate them in his plan of care and he writes: "I would like to make new friends (HELLO LADIES!!)."  Okay, so we are killing ourselves laughing, 'cause this kid is such a ham.  He then writes: "I would like to have more sex ed (HAHAHAHA!!)."  This kid is just way too clever!  At least he's turning a tedious task into something a little more palatable. 

So my mom turned the big 6-0 today!  And I must say, she is looking fantastic!  Anyone who has caught her new profile pic on Facebook would have to agree that the woman is lookin' damn fine for a senior citizen!  Haha!  I have to say, my mother is amazing, and I am so blessed to have her.  A big shout out to my mother!!  I LOVE YOU!!

So what do you get when you combine social workers with 75-B Service Providers in the Shoe Shop?  A whole lot of laughs, and plenty of stories for the following day!!  I was DD (I know, I know, there are nights when I can actually embrace sobriety), and so I got to play chauffeur to a car load of zany women.  The night out was sorely needed.  Things have been so busy around the office.  I just received another new file involving a pregnant mom who continues to use crack-cocaine.  Apparently she is willing to work with me, but I have a sneaky suspicion that as soon as she realizes that my case plan will demand that she gives up her drug use, she will decide that she no longer wants to engage in Agency services and we will need to apprehend at birth.  She's already lost one child because of her habit.  Sigh, some of these folks just never learn.   

So tonight I had the opportunity to see Kate play live at the Maritime Conservatory.  She and her posse (quick fingers clarinet player Pattie, and high-spirited pianist Tara) performed a couple of numbers that were simply amazing.  Kate also played a couple of solos, demonstrating some serious skills and a flare for stage performance.  "Wow" is the only word to describe such a night of music.  Fortunate girl that I am, I was able to join Kate, Pattie, and Tara afterwards for a drink at the Fireside.  I have forgotten how much fun musicians are, I have been out of the music scene for so long.  A lot of laughs, and a chance for me to compliment the musicians in person.  Fantastic!!  All Friday nights should be celebrated in such a fashion!

It has been quite a while since I've checked in with my blog.  I've been so caught up in the Facebook craze! 

 

I was home for the Easter holiday, and while it was my full intention to spend time with friends I hadn't seen in a while, I managed to dislocate my shoulder on Good Friday following a night out with the girls.  My parents' front step was slick with ice, and down I went, shoulder first, and I heard the crack as my body made contact with the cement.  Cousin Jaclyn drove me back to Halifax and helped to take care of me while I tried to regain my mobility - I couldn't even dress myself!  I must make another trip to the doctor soon as I'm not healing properly and I have a feeling I'll be making a date with a physiotherapist. 

 

However, things are looking up for ole Colleen.  I was finally offered permanent at the Agency.  It took me by complete surprise and of course I accepted, despite putting out my resume to the north.  Not that the north is out of the question, but at least now if I'm offered something, I can make that decision based purely on what I want for myself, and not out of pressure to keep the paychecks rolling in. 

 

And I have come to love this city.  I have my family close and good friends even closer.  My dear friend Christine said it best when she heard the news of my permanent job: "You're finally home baby girl."  And I am. 

I visited my sister in Calgary for a week.  The weather was fabulous - God bless the chinook!  Heather Ruth and I went snow shoeing in Kananaskis, took a trip up to Drumheller to see the dinosaur museum and other tourist attractions, shopped the city, and of course partook in the Calgary nightlife.  Blake is also in Calgary, and so we were able to spend time together without the ole ball and chain (LOL - I love you Heather Ruthy!) And Ewan also joined us on a couple of outings, including my last night in town, when he decided against ball hockey in favour of dinner with Heather Ruth, Blake, and I.  Heather Ruth did have to work a couple of shifts throughout my vacation, allowing me to spend some time with dear friends Craig, Erin, and Brendon, and little Miriam who celebrated her first birthday while I was in town.  Craig's parents were kind enough to have us over to their home for dinner - a pleasant way to spend an evening.  It was a trip that was sorely needed, and so difficult to say goodbye.  My heart was heavy when Heather Ruth dropped me off at the airport, knowing that I was returning to a pile of work in Halifax.  Ah well, all good things must come to an end I suppose.  I will post pictures from the trip shortly for your viewing pleasure.

 

    

So nothing I do ever seems right.  I wonder why I even try.  You do the best that you can, but still in the end, it's never good enough.  I am officially taking the weekend off, and holing away with my parents.  Those dear friends in Fredericton who read this, please do not take offense when I say that I just need these next couple of days to myself, so please, no phone calls.  I will dare to be selfish and spend the weekend as I see fit.  I will provide a more detailed update next week after my thoughts have been collected. 

And so I attended criminal court this evening in support of a mom who is applying for a peace bond against her no-good ex-partner.  And one of the sherriffs caught my eye - a beautiful black man and I was certain I had seen him before.  And then I remembered - he had escorted my dad from Dorchester Penitentiary to the permanent care trial earlier this month.  I commented on this of course, and remarked that I was a little more plainly dressed tonight, sporting blue jeans and a casual top.  And then he says: "Mmm mmm . . . you were lookin' so fancy then . . . but you still look good tonight!"  Well of course I blushed, and he escorted me to the door, remarking that he would be sure to run into me again.  I almost ran back into the court house with my business card!  Haha.  Definitely worth the overtime tonight!!

 

I should mention that I interviewed today for a permanent . . . and it went exceptionally well!!  I'm holding my breath and keeping my fingers crossed!!

Last Thursday afternoon, I received another referral on one of my more unsettling cases, and made the decision on Friday morning with my team to apprehend the two children.  Mom was all smiles when I arrived at the door, and then she spied my colleague with papers in hand, and started screaming.  Truth be told, her tears didn't phase me.  Oh I felt bad enough for the two little ones but even they took the whole event in stride.  They understood why I was there, and didn't argue when it came time to exit in my vehicle.  Unfortunately we were not able to find a foster home that would take both siblings, but they both settled in well with their respective foster families.  And now they are both placed with family members, and the work can begin with mom around services.  She's had extremely poor follow-through, so we'll see how she gets along

 

After a long day of snatching children, a person needs to unwind.  And what better way to accomplish this than head downtown Halifax for the World's Largest Pub Crawl!  Such fun!!  Suffice it to say, drinks were raised, and laughs were exchanged.  And we kicked Australia's ass!  Word on the street is that they are already starting to organize an event in retaliation to reclaim their spot in the Guiness Book of World Records.

 

This week, I've been training with fellow social workers and law enforcement officers in child sexual abuse investigations.  Intense to say the least, but I have a great partner to work with.  Kinda sexy in a television cop kinda way.  He works with the internet child pornography unit - he's the guy who pretends to be a 12-year-old girl in chat rooms and then sets up sting operations.  Very cool. 

 

Miss Melanie is due to arrive tonight.  Cannot wait to see her!!  We'll be up to some trouble no doubt.  Michelle where the hell are you??

And so the judge (as predicted) ordered permanent care today.  He was quite direct with both mother and father, stating that they had made their choice, and child number six is now in the permanent care and custody of the Department of Community Services.  Now it's time to move little one into a home as quick as we can.  We have an out-of-province family placement that are currently being assessed as an adoption home.  It's funny.  While I'm happy we were successful in our application, I feel like shit.  Now it's off to Hudson and Alison's for some much needed self-care.